


Watching over you

by springberry



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Season/Series 04, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-10-21 06:37:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20689127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springberry/pseuds/springberry
Summary: *Post-Season 4**Five times Lucifer visited Earth without Chloe knowing and the one time he showed her he was there*After Lucifer has left Chloe to go back to Hell, he wants nothing more than to keep her safe and allow her to live a normal and happy life - without him. It doesn't matter if he has to suffer for her. He has already been suffering for millennia anyway.*Completed*





	1. Three years since Lucifer went back to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,  
just to let you know: This is a sad story that I had to get out of my mind after rewatching season four. No happy ending! If you're looking for something fluffy and lighthearted, this probably isn't the right story for you. 
> 
> It's Deckerstar, but not only. 
> 
> Also: Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts (chapter 6) and warning for character deaths. 
> 
> Thanks for every read, comment and kudo! It's highly appreciated. ❤  
I'll update weekly (every Friday). 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, all rights belong to the respective owners.

Lucifer closed the door behind him and brushed ash from the lapels of his shirt with the back of his hand. It was a nonchalant little gesture that he wasn't even aware of, just something he did after torturing the damned souls in their personal hell loops. He straightened his back as his face slowly drifted back from burning red to pale white. No ray of sunshine had ever touched Hell's endless corridors, and the slight tan he had brought down with him from the mortal's world was long-lost.

Lucifer had worked enough for the time being, he decided. The demons he now ruled with an iron hand would have to carry on without him for a while. He turned and walked through the maze of seemingly endless corridors towards the square where his throne towered over the desperate landscape. At the foot of it was the place he used to rest, a cavern carved into the dark grey rock. He would have preferred to not have the iron front gate, as there were enough doors in Hell already, but he didn't want the ever present screams of the tortured to follow him inside.

However, when he reached the square, he sensed something that didn't belong there: Hope. Why was there hope drifting through the air? He looked up to search the blackness above with glowing eyes, but even he wasn't able to visually make it out. Apparently it didn't stand a chance against the despair of the underworld. Still, it became stronger. Finally, Lucifer's attention focused on the middle of the square where a shimmer caught his gaze and manifested itself into a person, an actual angel.

"Amenadiel?"

His brother's name sounded strange coming out of his mouth, and that wasn't due to the general muffled sound down here. He hadn't said it in almost three years.

"Lucifer."

Amenadiel tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Hell wasn't a place that allowed joy, or even signs of it.

"To what do I owe the rare honour of a heavenly visitor?" Lucifer finally asked, his voice laced with scepticism. His heart made a strange jump when he saw Amenadiel's attempt at a smile fade into sadness.

"Linda died," he sighed, the two words apparently costing him a lot of effort.

Unexpected pain shot through Lucifer, clutching at his heart. The woman who had helped him sort through the mess that was his emotions, who had helped him become a better man, even if it had turned out to have been to no avail in the end. He was stuck back in Hell anyway. At least, now he knew what for — or whom.

He didn't allow himself to let his thoughts go down that road any further, so he did his best to drown out the pain and the whirlwind of emotions that came along with it.

"How?"

"She had an accident."

"Anyone involved in it that I should personally attend to?"

"No. She went too fast and veered off the road. She was in a hurry to pick up Charlie."

Silence fell between the two brothers as Lucifer coped with the fact that there was nobody for him to punish for his therapist's — and friend's — death. Nobody to unleash his restrained emotions on.

"So why are you here then?" he asked, a little accusing, although he didn't mean to sound like that.

"I'm moving up to Heaven with Charlie, so he doesn't have to grow up without his mother. In fact, he's up there already. I was, too. But I wanted to let you know."

"Thank you," Lucifer replied honestly. "It's been a while since I last had a visitor."

"I know."

"Sure you do."

He was tempted to ask the question that spooked him ever since he had left Earth, but he knew it would tear open a wound that had barely begun to heal. And deep down he suspected it never would, not in all the countless millennia that lay ahead of him.

But Amenadiel spared him the effort of asking.

"She's doing alright, you know?"

Lucifer's eyes locked with his brother's soft gaze.

"She was in a very dark mental state for a while, she even quit work for a year. Then she slowly started getting better when she realized you were really gone and wouldn't come back. It took her a lot of effort and therapy, but she's living again now, back to work and spending a lot of time with Trixie. She even goes out for a couple of drinks with some new friends she made at the precinct. She's still hurting, though, and she misses you every day, that's what she told me when I let her know about me and Charlie. But every week seems to be a little better than the one before, she said. Just so you know, she's doing her best to live a happy life, like you wanted it for her."

Lucifer hung on Amenadiel's lips, soaking up every word he said. He was desperate for news of his Detective, and only now did he realize how much he had needed to hear that she was good. Or as good as she could be after he had left her standing on his balcony, alone. Lonely.

But it was a dangerous path, his feelings for her — his_ love_ for her — threatening to overwhelm him any time and challenging his best intentions to keep her safe, even if that meant he could never be with her again.

"Thank you," he repeated, unable to form any other words at the moment.

Amenadiel nodded and looked down on the smouldering ground before glancing around and casting a short glance up to where in other places would be a sky instead of endless darkness. Letting out a deep breath, he slowly walked closer to Lucifer until he was right in front of him. He cleared his throat and Lucifer couldn't help his curiosity. What was his angelic brother up to?

Amenadiel spread his wings around the both of them, thus creating a shielded space for them, and turned his voice into a whisper as he said, "I brought something for you."

Lucifer's eyes lit up like they hadn't during the last three years.

"A present?"

"Yes. Kind of."

He grabbed something from his pocket and then opened his hand for Lucifer to see for himself. On his palm lay a feather, silvery and divine.

"Azrael?" Lucifer's eyebrows shot up in question, a blank look on his face.

Amenadiel nodded and cleared his throat.

"If you tuck it between your own feathers, you'll be able to visit Earth and stay invisible. I tried, it works."

Lucifer blinked and stared at his brother. He could perfectly see how this feather could be of great value for him, but what he couldn't wrap his head around was why Amenadiel would do something like this. It didn't fit with the picture he had of him.

"Does Azrael know about this?"

"That depends. Does she know that I have one of her feathers? Yes. Does she know I'm giving it to you? No. Let's leave it at that."

Lucifer slowly nodded before a new thought crossed his mind.

"What do you want for it?"

"I would love to say nothing, but I'm afraid I have one condition: If you use it, use it wisely. Don't interfere with her life in a way that could even slightly threaten to destroy the peace she's trying to find for herself. She's gone through so much already."

"Deal."

Lucifer didn't have to think about it twice. He stood by his decision to keep her safe, even if it meant the biggest sacrifice he'd ever made.

"I have your word," Amenadiel said as he handed over the feather. "I'm afraid I'll have to leave now."

"Say hi to Linda and Charlie from me, please, will you?"

"I will."

Amenadiel stretched his wings, but the fraction of a second before he took flight, Lucifer interrupted his departure.

"Wait! Just… why? Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"Because Chloe isn't the only one who's hurting, I suppose. You have my deepest respect for your decision to keep Earth safe of bloodthirsty demons. I know that's not your main reason for being back on Hell's throne, but still. You could have chosen a different path, but you assume responsibility, and that's why I'm proud of you."

With that, Amenadiel flapped his wings and disappeared, leaving for a happier place that was everything Hell was not.

Lucifer stood, staring after him until the hope his brother had brought with him had subsided, only to then stare at the feather in his palm, delicate and fragile, yet so powerful.


	2. Six years since Lucifer went back to Hell

It took Lucifer three more years until he finally decided that it was time to visit Earth. He had spent the past years finding reasons not to go, from a new demon rebellion threatening to begin in his absence to not using Azrael's feather without her knowledge and consent. But he eventually ran out of reasons that didn't come down to one emotion: Fear.

As much as he'd tried to push it aside, it wouldn't go away and it didn't want to be ignored any longer.

What if she was still heartbroken? What if he'd damaged her heart beyond repair? Would he be able to live with that particular guilt added on top of the collection of sins he had already committed? And what if it was the other way round, and she was fine? What would that say about what they'd had? Would it still count as real? Or would it seem as if it had all been a dream, an illusion?

Beneath all those nagging questions lay another kind of fear. Seeing her and not being able to let _her _see _him_ in return would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do, and he wasn't convinced he was strong enough for that. But he had to be, for her. He couldn't just stumble back into her life for a few hours and then leave again for years to get Hell back under control. It was not fair to her.

So since he'd realized that he could either let his fears become his personal hell loop or face them head on like he had learned from Linda, he was gathering courage, and today was the day. He'd go up. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look around over his doomed kingdom from the top of his throne, steadied himself and took flight.

Lucifer reached Los Angeles in less time than it would take a human to travel from one end of the city to the other. He hovered high above the city as the sight of the place he'd once called his home made him swallow. He closed his eyes and tried to sense the direction in which he had to go. Suddenly, he just knew where to find her.

He heard footsteps and panting before he caught sight of her. She was running, following a dark haired man inside a warehouse, one hand hovering above the gun on her hip. Lucifer followed her and landed behind a stack of boxes, forgetting for a moment that he was invisible and didn't have to hide behind earthly objects.

He watched the Detective draw her gun and point it at the suspect who'd come to a halt after realizing he had run into a corner with no way to get out.

"Hands up! Turn around!"

The whole scene was eerily familiar, as if he'd seen it happen a million times already. Yet, Lucifer was unable to take his eyes off her, off her face, her body, her presence.

She was real.

He was so consumed with her that he didn't pay attention to the other man in the room. Only when he heard the gun firing behind him did he come back to his senses. And it was good that those were supernaturally perceptive and his reflexes inhumanly fast. Not wasting the fraction of a second to second thoughts, he jumped.

The moment he heard a second gunshot being fired from the opposite side, he grabbed the first bullet right out of the air, groaning at the pain it caused in his palm. He had forgotten. As soon as he had come to a halt, he turned around right in time to see that the Detective's bullet hit the suspect's leg, and the bastard crouched and let out a cry of pain. It was enough to distract the lowlife until the handcuffs closed around his wrists and he was being pulled up into a standing position.

"Mr. Morrison, you're under arrest," the Detective panted before taking out her phone to call the precinct for backup.

Lucifer couldn't care less about his injured hand, too caught up in the scene playing out in front of him. It was surreal to be here, close to her.

"Decker, you're alright? I heard shooting!" a man panted, entering the warehouse.

He had to be her new partner. And a slow one. Lucifer snorted. This would never have happened if he still was in charge.

"Yes George, I'm fine. He missed me, but I hit his leg."

"Thank God you're okay."

"Oh, I assure you he had nothing to do with that. You should thank the Devil instead," Lucifer muttered angrily, his voice only audible to himself.

"Whatever," the Detective said, rolling her eyes. She knew more than that George guy ever would.

"So where's the bullet he shot?" George asked and started looking around for the projectile.

Oh, right. Evidence.

Lucifer rushed past the man and put the bullet down beside the far wall. That would have to do.

Sirens wailed in the distance, coming closer. The backup arrived right when George picked up the bullet and eyed it between his fingers before he let it fall into a plastic bag to have it examined. He then got distracted enough by the other cops storming the building that he didn't check the wall for a bullet hole. Very good.

Lucifer didn't pay attention to anything that was happening around them now. He was focused completely on one person, and he didn't even blink to not miss even a single one of her words or movements.

He stayed beside her while the medics did a quick check up and she refused to accompany them to the hospital, was next to her when her steps faltered a little as she walked out of the warehouse, stood by her side as she said goodbye to her colleagues still at the crime scene before she got into her car. Then he followed her home. He wasn't ready to leave her again just yet. He _had _to make sure that she got home safely after he had just saved her life.

To his surprise, the car turned into an unfamiliar direction and stopped in front of a house he had never seen. A short glimpse at the letter box confirmed his suspicion that she'd moved. His heart fell: Next to her name was another.

He was still busy trying to hold the pieces of his heart together when the Detective — _his _Detective — slung her arms around another man in the corridor of her home. His hands clenched into fists, and he had to turn away because he wasn't prepared to see that. To keep himself from exploding — or imploding, he couldn't tell — he rushed to another room.

Only after he had calmed down and his body remembered again how to breathe did he take a look around. The room was full of posters of pop stars and actors. The soft toys had made way for clothes that seemed to occupy every single surface and even part of the floor. Make-up accessories lay cluttered on the bed. As much as Lucifer despised chaos, _this_ particular chaos made him warm inside. The little urchin was alive and well — and not so little anymore, by the looks of it. Strangely, he was disappointed that she wasn't at home.

After a while that could have been either minutes or hours — he couldn't tell them apart at the moment — he had prepared himself to take a last look at the Detective before his departure back to Hell. He wouldn't be able to stay much longer. He had expected his visit to be exhausting, but not _this_ debilitating. It would take him a few years to process the night.

In the living room, the Detective and her _boyfriend_, or whatever he was, had just finished dinner and started to clear the table.

"Do you mind doing the dishes tonight? I'd like to make a phone call."

"Sure honey, if that's what you need. You've had a rough night."

"Thanks."

Lucifer closed his eyes to avoid watching her peck his cheek. There was only so much he could take. But they were still holding each other when he looked at them again.

"Who do you want to call?"

"Just a friend from a few years ago. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Alright darling. Take your jacket, it's getting colder each night now."

This time _he_ kissed _her_, gently, softly. Caring. Lucifer knew this kind of kiss. He hadn't given many like this. Just very few, to be precise. And to the very same woman.

Relief flooded through him when they separated.

"Next time we're going to actually check the reception inside before we decide to move anywhere," the Detective laughed on her way to the terrace. The brown jacket she slipped into was painfully familiar, too, like so many other things.

Lucifer followed her outside, but always kept several yards between them to not accidentally stroll over and touch her. There was a nervousness in the way she searched her pockets for her phone and scrolled through her contacts that made Lucifer curious about whom she was calling. He wasn't prepared for the name he heard her say.

"Maze?" — "Yes, it's me." — "I know it's been years, but… you haven't by any chance heard anything from him?"

His heart stopped. She was thinking of him _right now_? Unfortunately he wasn't able to hear a thing his demon said at the other end of the line.

"Oh. Alright. I know you're out of sorts with him, but I just wanted to ask." — "Because today a suspect fired a bullet at me, but mine hit him first although I shot after him. And when my partner picked up the bullet later it had landed at a strange place. It would either have gone straight through me or would have actually zigzagged through that warehouse to have landed where he found it. Also, there was no bullet hole in the wall."

Damn… Once a Detective, always a Detective. Lucifer had thought he had concealed his move well. But no. Not to her. Never to her.

Did that mean he had broken the promise he had given Amenadiel? It hadn't been his intention. And, if it came down to doing nothing and watching her being shot or interfering to save her life, was he really supposed to feel guilty for reneging on a deal?

"Maybe you're right. I'll let them investigate the case and see which logical explanation they come up with." — "Yes. Yes, I'm alright. I'm fine. I'm living with someone new now. It's… different. But good different." — "Already? I see. Then good luck with the mission. And Maze? I really hope you're alright, too." — "She's staying with Dan. But I'll tell her tomorrow. Bye."

She hung up with a sigh and stared at the black screen. Lucifer wished nothing more than being able to reach out and touch her face, and it took all his willpower to stop himself from doing exactly that. She had said she was alright, and he had seen it for himself. But the fact that she was still thinking of him…

And that she called Maze… He would take her home to Hell in a few decades, but as long as there were people on Earth that he cared about he wanted her to remain there.

The Detective let out a shaky breath and looked up at the cloudy sky.

"Lucifer, if you have anything to do with what happened today, thank you," she whispered into the night.

Her lips formed a small smile before she tucked the phone away and went back inside, to her new love, leaving an invisible Lucifer behind who dwelled on the way his name had sounded coming out of her mouth.


	3. Ten years since Lucifer went back to Hell

It took Lucifer four years until he decided that it was time to go back to Earth. He had spent the past years finding reasons not to go, from not wanting to interfere with the Detective's life again, even by accident, to the pain that had shot through him when he had seen her with another man. But he eventually ran out of reasons that didn't come down to one emotion: Jealousy.

As much as he'd tried to push it aside, it wouldn't go away and it didn't want to be ignored any longer.

What if she still was with the man he had seen her with, and their love had grown deeper and stronger over the years? Would he be able to watch them together? Could he keep his own emotions under control for her sake and try to be happy for her? It was what he'd wanted for her: To go on with life and be as happy as possible. Then why did the thought hurt him so much?

And what if she wasn't in this relationship any more? Would that be better? Not really, wouldn't it? Because then she would be on her own again, and he didn't want that either.

So since he'd realized that he could either let his jealousy stop him or face it head on like he had learned from Linda, he was gathering courage, and today was the day. He'd go up. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look around over his doomed kingdom from the top of his throne, steadied himself and took flight.

It was a beautiful morning on Earth, with spring approaching fast. The sun was shining warm and bright from a cloudless sky and reflected on the windows of the very same house Lucifer had already visited last time he'd been here. So she still lived here, probably with the same guy.

Lucifer landed in the garden, a few yards away from the open window of the room in which he could feel her presence. He hesitated, though. No matter how strong his decision to just take a look at her to check that she was alright was, he wasn't convinced he could pull himself together if he walked in on her rolling through the sheets with her lover. Just the thought alone strangled him.

He listened closely and was relieved to hear three female voices. The first was the sweetest sound of the universe. The second one he remembered saying warm and nice things to him at the precinct, too, and the third had changed and grown, but still held the contagious excitement that had always been there.

He walked closer until he could peek inside. They were in the master bedroom, but he could only see Ella and Trixie, who had grown into a beautiful young woman. They were decked out in their best, with long dresses, Ella in blue and Trixie in red, their hair tied up elegantly.

Lucifer stared at them and took in their features as they smiled at each other, standing in the doorframe to what he assumed was an en suite bathroom. The Detective had to be in there, but he couldn't see her from where he was.

He could only hear her soft voice that reminded him so much of Heaven.

"Do I look alright like this?"

"Mum, you look great. Honestly, I think you can come out now. You couldn't be any more beautiful," Trixie beamed, rolling back on her heels.

"Thanks monkey."

At this moment, the doorbell rang.

"Could you open the door, please? It has to be the flowers."

"Sure Mum. Don't take too long any more. We'll have to leave in about ten minutes, or Timothy will get _very_ nervous," Trixie replied and walked out of the room.

Lucifer's heart hammered away inside him and his breath began to shake as Ella stepped aside to let the Detective step out of the bathroom.

She looked stunning in her long white dress, shiny pearls woven into the fabric along the neckline, her hair falling around her face in soft curls. But the most striking were her eyes, bright and shining with happiness.

For a few moments, Lucifer allowed himself to imagine she was walking towards _him_ to become _his_. But it wasn't for him that she had put on this dress, and it was his own fault. He would deal with the self-hatred later, back in Hell, as this moment with her was too precious.

"Oh Chloe, you're the most magnificent bride! Timothy is going to almost faint when he sees you," Ella said in awe and then pulled her into a tight hug.

"Please, don't squeeze me," the Detective laughed teasingly.

"Right. — Okay, what's missing?"

"My shoes, unless I decide to go barefoot."

"Nice idea, but I think that's not very practical. Wait, I'll fetch them for you."

And just like that, Ella left. Now it was just Lucifer and his Detective. He couldn't stop looking at her, even when she sat on her bed and turned her back to him. She was beautiful from all sides and angles, the traces of time would never change that.

She bowed down and opened the bottom drawer of her bedside table. She rummaged in it, apparently looking for something. Lucifer had to step closer to the bed to be able to see what she was now holding in her hands and gasped as he saw the old photograph, colours already fading and one corner turned down. It showed the two of them smiling at each other while dancing at Lux the night it was supposed to be closed forever. He didn't know that snapshot, but he remembered the night. In the picture, they seemed to be completely oblivious of the crowd that had gathered around them to watch them dance together.

For a moment, his mind turned back in time and he was right there with her, holding her warm hands in his, hearing her laughter as he spun her around wildly to the music.

Happiness.

But it was just a memory now.

Sadness filled him and his heart threatened to shatter as he watched Chloe trace his face with her fingertips. The gentleness of the touch told him more than her words ever could, and he could almost feel her caress on his skin.

But it was just his imagination.

She took a deep breath and almost sighed his name into the warm air.

"Oh Lucifer."

The door swung open and Ella came back in, a pair of pearly white silk shoes dangling from her fingers. She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she caught sight of the photo in the Detective's hands.

"Chloe," she just said as she slowly sat down and closed her arms around her friend. "You still think of him sometimes?"

"I do. It's just — I miss him. I still do. And I always will."

"But you're not having second thoughts about today?" Ella asked, pulling back to look the Detective in the eye. Her expression had jumped from compassionate to sceptical in a second.

"No, Ella, I don't. I love Timothy and I want to spend my life with him. But from time to time, I just can't stop myself from wondering what could have been if Lucifer had stayed."

_"__Me too, Detective, me too," _the devil thought as he watched her stand and walk over to the open window. He had to step aside for her, as he wasn't sure if she could bump into him while he was invisible. She put the photo on the sill and leaned it against the window frame.

"I wish I knew if he's alright," she whispered, and it sounded sad.

"I know you said he left to keep you safe from someone going after him, but Chloe… it's been ten years. He never even called. I don't think he'll ever come back," Ella said carefully.

"If only there was a sign from him. Anything. So I would know for sure that he won't be back."

Lucifer stared at her, her sadness burning in his stomach. She had radiated happiness a few minutes ago, and no matter how much it hurt him to see her move on, he wanted that happiness to be back. He wanted her to be sure, to let go of the last tiny bit of hope that she apparently still had in that big heart of hers for the sake of peace of mind. So he took in a deep breath and bowed down in front of the photograph that reminded him of a better time. He pursed his lips as if to kiss it and blew out the air. The paper took flight and slowly soared down to the floor where it landed with the back side up.

Both women looked at it, startled.

"I believe here I have my sign," the Detective smiled sadly as she picked it up and returned it into her drawer with a last glance at it.

"Maybe," Ella agreed. "And maybe it's just getting windy. But Chloe? I still miss him, too, sometimes."

They exchanged a small smile.

"Alright, enough melancholy for today. Now we're going to put on these shoes, and you're going to marry Timothy and make him a happy man and yourself a happy woman. Let's leave the past in the past."

"Yes, let's hurry. I don't want to leave him waiting. Can you help me with the shoes? I'm afraid I'm too nervous to fumble with the straps now," the Detective replied, sounding way happier and focused now. She had a future ahead of her, and she was going to make it good.

"Mum, you're still barefoot!" Trixie exclaimed as she popped her head through the open door. "Get those shoes on already! — What are you laughing about now?"

"Darling, you have no idea how many times I've told you to put your shoes on, and you just sound a lot like me. Also, that eye roll."

"I've learned from the master of eye rolls," Trixie beamed, and then she was gone again, her footsteps echoing from the hall.

Lucifer stayed to watch Ella help the Detective get ready and then walk out of the bedroom behind her. He didn't want to follow them. It was something he didn't need to witness. His heart could only take so much.

After their car had left, he walked around the bed and sat down where she'd been sitting only minutes ago. He carefully pulled open the drawer and took out the photograph. His fingertips gently caressed her figure.

He kept doing that all day.

Long after the sun had set on Earth that night, he went back to the place he had to _live_ now. He wasn't as jealous as he had been before. The immediate burn of the emotion had changed to a simmering sadness deep inside his soul. He couldn't blame another man for falling in love with her and making her happy.

No, the thing that hurt him most was the fact that he wished he could have been the man she shared her life with.


	4. Twenty years since Lucifer went back to Hell

It took Lucifer ten years until he decided that it was time to go back to Earth. He had spent the past years finding reasons not to go, from wanting to grant her freedom to not wanting to see her be completely over him now that he had given her the sign she'd been waiting for, even if she'd never know it had been him and not the wind who had done it. But he eventually ran out of reasons that didn't come down to one emotion: Yearning.

As much as he'd tried to push it aside, it wouldn't go away and it didn't want to be ignored any longer.

What if he had chosen a different path and stayed by her side twenty years ago? Would they have been able to build a solid relationship based on their love? Would they have been happy with each other and still be together now?

By the time they'd confessed their love to each other, he had been ready to give her the world, to give her everything she'd ever dreamed of. But then, staying on Earth would as likely as not have meant an early death for her. The amount of time and effort it had taken him to get the demons back under control and re-establish order in Hell was proof for that assumption.

Still, the yearning for the life he could have shared with her sometimes overwhelmed him. The amount of what-ifs blinded him then. He would now spend the rest of eternity wondering what could have been.

So since he'd realized that he could either let his yearning for a life as the man by the Detective's side stop him from ever going to Earth again or face head on that this wish would never become reality, like he had learned from Linda, he was gathering courage, and today was the day. He'd go up. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look around over his doomed kingdom from the top of his throne, steadied himself and took flight.

He frowned after landing on the roof of a hospital. That couldn't mean anything good. He hurried inside to look for the Detective, afraid of what he might find. Relief flooded through him when he spotted her in a hallway, alive and, at first sight, unharmed. She stood with her back to him, but he would have recognized her among a million people. When she turned around, he took in her face, visibly ageing now. Her slight wrinkles had deepened since the last time he'd seen her.

But what upset Lucifer was the expression on her face. She looked scared and flustered. Her fingers seemed agitated as they moved over her mobile phone's display to dial a number. The moment she raised the phone to her ear, she started pacing, and so did Lucifer. He couldn't just stand there, her uneasiness was contagious.

He was surprised to hear who was at the other end of the line.

"Dan?"

If she was calling _him_, that had to mean that…

"I'm at the hospital. Something seems to be wrong with the baby's heart. We're waiting for another doctor now. A specialist in neonatology. It's possible that the baby will need surgery as soon as it's born." — "No, I have no idea. They won't tell us more." — "Can you come over? Trixie needs us." — "Gynaecology section. Room 461." — "Great. Thanks, Dan."

She hung up and stuffed the phone in the back pocket of her jeans. Then she leaned with her back against the wall and covered her face in her hands.

"That can't be true," she murmured.

Lucifer didn't have to think twice.

"It won't be true," he whispered. It was out of the question to just stand by and let that happen.

After the Detective had regained her composure, she went through one of the green doors and Lucifer followed her. Trixie, now an adult woman, was lying on an examination couch, one hand restlessly running up and down over her swollen belly while the other was being held by a young man that had to be her husband or boyfriend. Both their faces were stained with tears.

"Dad is coming as fast as he can," the Detective said as she stood beside Trixie and ran her hand over her daughter's hair.

"Thanks mom."

A tear rolled down Trixie's cheek and her mother wiped it off.

"There's still hope. You heard the doctor, he wasn't sure if what he saw really is an anomaly."

She tried to sound reassuring, but the tremble in her voice and her teary eyes betrayed her.

"Right. I just hope the specialist will be here soon, this waiting is killing me."

"No matter what happens, remember that I love you," the man holding Trixie's hand said and kissed her forehead.

Lucifer had seen enough. He was done watching, he wanted to actually _do _something. He hoped with all his heart that he would be able to in his invisible state. He stepped close to Trixie and extended a hand towards her. During his time on Earth, he had always done all he could to avoid touching her, but he was over that.

His hand, only visible to himself, gently covered the lower half of the young woman's abdomen, and he closed his eyes in concentration, focusing on the tiny heartbeat he felt beneath his palm. With his eyes closed and his breath held, he observed its rhythm. It was indeed irregular. He was not a physician, but his supernatural perception allowed him to sense it.

Damn. This little human wasn't even born yet.

Lucifer directed his energy into his hand and willed it to leave through his skin. It cost him more effort than it had when he had saved the Detective's life after she'd been shot, despite the child he was saving now being so much smaller. He blamed Azrael's feather for it. But he was willing to suffer the agony, he had endured worse in his life. Slowly, he felt his vitality diffuse through his pores, and he directed it towards its purpose.

The little heart healed under his touch, and when it was finally beating normally, Lucifer withdrew his hand. It felt cold and lonely after this first touch he had shared with a human, or anyone at all, since he had held the Detective before flying to Hell. Exhaustion spread through him and left him weak and powerless. He stumbled backwards and sat down on the floor at the opposite side of the room, his back leaning against the wall.

Time passed agonizingly slow while they were all waiting. He wished he could speed it up, but that was beyond his powers, even if he hadn't just given part of his celestial energy away. He would recover soon, though. It was a matter of hours, or maybe distance. The Detective was close, after all.

When the doctor arrived, the tension was palpable. He didn't speak much, just introduced himself, and started an ultrasound right away. Everyone was frozen in place while he moved the ultrasonic probe over Trixie's belly to watch her baby's heart from all angles with his eyes fixed on the monitor. Finally, he put the instrument away and smiled at his patient.

"You're lucky, apparently it was a false alarm. There is nothing wrong with your baby's heart. It beats in a strong and steady rhythm and looks as healthy as it can be. I'm sorry if my colleague scared you. It sometimes happens that we're not sure how to interpret what we see, but that's why we have different specialists at this hospital. I assure you that your baby is fine."

The gasps of relief echoed loudly through the room as they held each other close and happy tears ran down their faces. The doctor excused himself to see another patient, and as soon as he was out of the door, Dan rushed in. He looked pale and stressed, but he relaxed as soon as he heard the good news.

After they had calmed down, he and the Detective left to wait outside, but Lucifer was too drained to follow them. Instead, he watched Trixie lay her hands on her belly and smile at the child that was growing inside her.

"Did you hear that, little monkey? Your heart is strong. You're gonna be fine. We're _all_ gonna be fine. Just another month, and we will hold you in our arms."

Lucifer was still sitting in the same spot when dusk fell over Los Angeles, recovering. Only later, when he was already back in Hell, did he realize that he had managed to calm his yearning a bit. If he wasn't allowed a life with the Detective, at least what he had done for Trixie would forever make him a part of her life, even if it wasn't in the way he would have wished for.


	5. Twenty-seven years since Lucifer went back to Hell

It took Lucifer seven years until he decided that it was time to go back to Earth. He had spent the past years finding reasons not to go, from not wanting to find proof that would force him to admit to himself that he was no longer a part of the Detective's life to seeing with his own eyes how many years had passed. But he eventually ran out of reasons that didn't come down to one emotion: Loneliness.

As much as he'd tried to push it aside, it wouldn't go away and it didn't want to be ignored any longer.

There was no doubt, and never would be, that she'd be as beautiful as ever, no matter her looks and her age. Lucifer would forever know and see the beauty that lay inside her, in her soul, no matter what happened. That wasn't what tormented him. No, the questions that haunted him led his mind into a different direction.

What if he couldn't look at her anymore because it hurt too much to see her ageing because of what that process implied? How deeply would it struck him to see all the years he had spent missing her drawn onto her skin, wrinkles telling stories of the time others had been allowed to live with her while he had been damned to stay in Hell?

Her age would remind him of her mortality, not that he could ever forget about it. But while it had been easier to ignore while she had still been younger, it would now be increasingly difficult to push those thoughts aside. And while he was lonely now, too, he could only imagine the whole different shade of loneliness he would experience after she'd have moved on to Heaven.

But for now, she was still alive, for all he knew. And suddenly he was anxious to see her.

So since he'd realized that he could either let his loneliness consume him even while she was still alive or face it head on like he had learned from Linda, he was gathering courage, and today was the day. He'd go up. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look around over his doomed kingdom from the top of his throne, steadied himself and took flight.

Lucifer needed a moment to adapt his eyes to the hilarious amount of blazing sunlight falling from the sky as his feet touched sandy ground. He took in his surroundings and found himself close to the ocean. The sound of waves rolling onto the shore was unmistakable and the most soothing one he had heard since the last time the Detective's voice had touched his ears.

He turned to the beach and slowly started walking towards it. It was crowded with people enjoying the perfect summer's day with family and friends. If his intuition had led him here, surely the Detective had to be among them. His eyes wandered over the crowd until he spotted her. She was sitting on a blue beach towel with her head turned sideways, the silhouette of her face dark against the sunlight dancing on the water behind her.

Lucifer's heart swelled with emotions as he stayed rooted to the spot, looking at her from a few yards away. Yes, he had been right: She was as beautiful as ever. The way she squeezed her eyes against the light and curved her lips up into a gentle smile hadn't changed at all.

Lucifer was so absorbed by her that, at first, he didn't notice what, or rather whom, she was looking at. But then he followed her gaze to see two children kneeling only a few steps away from her, building what she'd call a fairytale castle and he'd call a pile of sand. But their _construction_ wasn't what caught his interest. Their features were. The older one, a girl with freckles all over her face, had the same focused expression that the Detective used to have when thinking about the connections between different leads on a case, and the younger one, a boy with tousled hair, beamed with the same carefree happiness he had encountered in only one other child during his time on Earth.

Before Lucifer knew what was going on, he realized the corners of his mouth had gone up. The expression felt so unfamiliar that he had to touch his lips to make sure it was real. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled. There was no reason to smile down where he spent his existence these days.

Thinking about it, he even had to chuckle at the irony that it was _two children_, of all things between Heaven and Hell, that caused this reaction. He didn't even _like_ children. But these two weren't _any_ children, they were the Detective's family, and one of them he had already met, in a way. Apparently, he had at least managed to do one thing right.

He walked a little closer to sit down beside the Detective, just far enough from her to not be able to touch her even with his arms and wings outstretched. For a few precious moments, he joined her watching her grandchildren play. He felt warmer inside, and not only because of the sun, as he imagined the past years had never happened and he could just be here by her side every day.

"So, lunch break!" someone interrupted them from behind, and Lucifer's little bubble burst.

Timothy had walked up to them, holding up a tray with fries and burgers he had carried over from the near beach kiosk. Behind him stood Trixie, balancing drinks between her hands. The Detective shuffled to the side of her towel to allow them to put down their lunch and sit down, too. Both children barged in between the adults, reaching for the fries with their sticky little fingers.

"Hey, hey, easy," Trixie reprimanded them, but it came out with a laugh. "You're going to bury our lunch in the sand if you don't slow down a bit."

"We're making it extra crunchy," her daughter replied with a mischievous grin.

"Like mother, like daughter," the Detective murmured beside her with a smile.

Trixie shook her head before she reached for a burger. "I'm going to eat this before it gets _too _crunchy for me."

Their easy banter continued throughout their meal, and even though he wasn't much of a family man, Lucifer enjoyed the warm, relaxed atmosphere. It was clear, even to him, that they all got along well with each other.

The afternoon continued, and he always stayed close and watched the scenes go by:

The Detective and her husband playing cards with the children while Trixie had a nap.

Trixie showing her son how to swim in the shallow water while her daughter jumped over the waves with her grandparents on either side of her, holding her hands.

The Detective cuddling the little ones and tickling them until they burst out laughing and rolled around in the sand.

The only thing he couldn't bring himself to watch was the moments she shared with Timothy, little kisses and caresses that showed how much they cared about each other. It was one thing to know she was married to him, but he didn't need to witness too much of their mutual affection.

Daylight slipped into dusk far too soon, and Lucifer watched them gather their belongings and stuff them into bags and backpacks. He followed them to their car and debated if he should follow them home just to see where they were going, but then decided against it. He was exhausted, even if he had just been watching them.

His gaze followed the car until it turned around a corner and out of sight, and he was left behind.

He spent the evening at the beach, watching the sun set on the horizon, leaving darkness in its trail. The stars came out eventually, but they didn't sparkle with the same magic they once used to have when he first created them. Now they were just other suns he wasn't interested in anymore.

Lucifer's mind was flooded with impressions from the day. All those little moments were more important to him than the rest of the universe. He replayed them all before his inner eye, the happiness, the laughter. The love. The love _they _had, but _he_ didn't.

He would have to push all those memories far away into a part of his mind where they couldn't harm him, lock them in deep down, so they wouldn't come out unsolicited and remind him of how excluded he was from all things positive.

Adding to his isolation was the realization that there hadn't been anything he could have done for the Detective today. The day had passed in pleasant harmony and without drama, so no rescue missions had been necessary.

He felt redundant. Not wanting to give in to that, he desperately looked for something to do. He couldn't leave without a trace. But being on a beach, there wasn't much around. That's why he set to turn the heap of sand beside which they'd spent the afternoon into a fairytale castle worth to be referred to as such. It was the first he had ever made, and it would also be the last; just a transient evidence for his visit to Earth.

With a sigh, Lucifer stepped back and spread his wings, ready to take flight. He filled his lungs with the salty air, fresh and cool, unlike the air he had to breathe where he was going. With his gaze turned upwards to the inky sky, he pushed his feet into the soft ground and took off.


	6. Thirty-eight years since Lucifer went back to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the trigger warning in the story description in chapter 1.

It took Lucifer eleven years until he decided that it was time to go back to Earth. He had spent the past years finding reasons not to go, from the conviction that he didn't belong there, now less than ever, to the memories of how much he had struggled to get back to normal after his last visit. But he eventually ran out of reasons that didn't come down to one emotion: Helplessness.

As much as he'd tried to push it aside, it wouldn't go away and it didn't want to be ignored any longer.

What if the Detective was sick, or just old and feeble? She certainly couldn't be as fit and healthy as she had used to be. Nobody could run from age and death. Not even him. He was as powerless as any human when it came to mortality, even if it didn't threaten his own life. It was enough that it threatened the one person he loved.

He had saved her life so many times, thrown himself in front of bullets and made himself the target to distract villains from her. He had even healed her from her gunshot wound back when he hadn't really known her, but his celestial powers couldn't compete against the natural end of human lifespan. There was nothing he could do to stop death, and he dreaded to watch his Detective suffer without the ability to change anything about it.

But the only thing worse than these thoughts was the idea of never seeing her again. Maybe it would be wiser to keep the image of her at the beach, happy and surrounded by family, as his last memory of her, but he refused to accept that that day had been the end of their story.

So since he'd realized that he could either stay in Hell and feel helpless or go to Earth and probably feel just as helpless, but at least be close to the Detective, and face his anxiety head on like he had learned from Linda, he was gathering courage, and today was the day. He'd go up. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look around over his doomed kingdom from the top of his throne, steadied himself and took flight.

The roof he landed on was slightly familiar. It was high up, overlooking the busy city below, yet far away from its daily bustle. The altitude drowned the sounds of cars and sirens from the streets. It was the perfect place to hide from other people and be alone. Yes, that was the reason this particular roof felt familiar. This was the place to which he had flown the Detective to safety during their fight with Cain. What did that mean?

Lucifer looked around, his heart rate picking up and only slowing down a little after he spotted her. She was sitting on a rectangular ventilation shaft that had the perfect height to be used as a bench, her eyes closed. She would have looked peaceful if she hadn't been hugging herself in a way that suggested she was trying to hold herself together and find comfort.

Lucifer carefully approached her from the side. He set one foot in front of the other in silence, forgetting for the moment that she could neither see nor hear him. He walked around her while keeping up some distance until he finally squatted down two yards in front of her. Now his face was level with hers. He was mesmerized by her presence and her quiet, unable to take his eyes off her.

Finally, she opened her eyes and looked up. For a moment, Lucifer felt as if she was looking straight at him, and he shivered. He had forgotten what it felt like to have her looking at him, to have someone looking at him with anything other than fear or disgust. But then her eyes wandered upwards to the sky, and he was reminded that he was still invisible to her. He followed her gaze to see what she was looking at, but it didn't seem to be anything specific. All that could be seen was the clear blue sky above them, with a few clouds here and there. He wondered what they were looking at when he heard her sigh.

Turning back to her, he found her fidgeting with a ring. Taking a closer look, he realized it was actually two rings she turned and twisted between her fingers. Wedding rings…

The pieces fell into place and it wasn't hard to figure out what had made the Detective search solitude on a rooftop on a day as beautiful as this. Lucifer's heart ached for her. He didn't need to have been married to empathize with her about her loss. In fact, he felt a stab to his heart, hinting at his own future. What now was her grief would soon be his.

But he refused to accept it. Not yet.

"Oh Timothy, I miss you," the Detective whispered into thin air.

A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she started to rock back and forth.

"I know you're up there in Heaven, but I still miss you down here," she continued after a while. "I mean, I take comfort in _knowing_ you're there and not just _hoping_. That's what makes it bearable, somehow. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I wasn't sure that you still _exist_, even if it's in a way I don't understand." She smiled sadly at the wedding rings she was still toying with. With a deep sigh, she subsequently added, "Yet."

"If he was as good as you, you'll see him again, I promise," Lucifer answered her honestly. He didn't quite know what else to say or do.

They kept each other silent company until the Detective spoke again.

"Unless…" she murmured absent-mindedly.

"Unless what?" Lucifer breathed. "There is no_ 'unless'_."

She cleared her throat and now stared towards the horizon instead of the sky. "Unless I end up in Hell."

What? That was impossible! Although he had only caught glimpses of her life after his departure from Earth, Lucifer was more than convinced that she hadn't lost her grace and kindness.

"Why would you think that?" he said, almost irritated by her lack of judgement. All those years, and she still wasn't aware of how special she was?

"Lucifer."

His name dropping from her lips in a whisper made him soften in an instant. He had thought he'd never hear her say his name again, even if it came out so silently that human ears would probably have missed it. Holding his breath, he waited for her to continue. But she didn't say more than that. Instead, she stood up, her movements somewhat slower than they'd used to be, and walked towards the roof edge. Lucifer followed her, confused. He was relieved that she stopped a few little steps away from the brink, though. Still, if he leaned forward a bit, he could see the street below from where he was standing right next to her. The height made him uneasy. _He_ had his wings, but _she_ didn't.

Her next words, uttered quietly yet clear for him to understand, caused him to flare said wings.

"From what you've told me, all I'd have to do is jump."

The silence was tense, and time stretched painfully as Lucifer stood and waited for her to say or do something. He had stepped between the Detective and the ledge, ready to catch her if she tried anything stupid. As much as he missed her, he certainly didn't want her to condemn herself to an eternity in Hell. He didn't want her to fall like he himself had fallen.

Finally, she gasped and clutched her hands to her face. It took her a few moments to compose herself.

"Then I'd be with you again, but I would never be able to see all the other people I love. What about my parents? My husband? Trixie? I can't do that to them. And not to me, either. I don't think I could face eternity without my daughter, in whatever spiritual form."

Lucifer's heart beat heavily in his chest and, more than ever, he yearned to touch the Detective. He was relieved she didn't plan to end her life herself. He didn't want her to choose him over her family. He was just one person. No, not even that. He was just _the devil_, not worth the sacrifice. If she did this for him, he would never be able to get rid of the guilt he would feel about that.

But a part of him was selfish. He reached for the one silver feather that kept him hidden from view, and tried to pluck up the courage to pick it out from between his own.

A cell phone rang.

"Oh bloody hell, does this thing ever shut up?" he cursed as the Detective pulled the phone out of her jacket and answered it.

Lucifer couldn't hear the words spoken at the other end of the line, but he didn't need to. It was easy to fill in the breaks.

"No, I'm not at home at the moment." — "Outside, monkey. I needed to see the ocean." — "I'll never stop calling you that, ever." — "Sure, I'll be ready for you to pick me up at six. I wouldn't want to miss Ada's graduation for the life of me. I can't believe she'll go off to college already." — "Right, see you in an hour."

The Detective let her phone sink and pulled her jacket closer around her body. She shot a last glance up towards the sky and another at the horizon where it met the waters of the Pacific before she turned around and slowly walked towards the door that led her inside and to a staircase.

Right, today didn't seem to be the best day for a conversation, Lucifer thought as he remained where he was.

He spun around when a woman cleared her throat behind him. But it wasn't the Detective who had mysteriously decided to come back up. Instead, he was looking at another woman, a much older one, who also happened to be an angel.

"Azrael! What are_ you_ doing here?" As soon as the question was out, he put one and one together. "No!" he hissed as he jumped in front of her in inhuman speed and grabbed her by the throat. "I won't let you take her. It's her granddaughter's graduation today!"

"Easy, Lucifer, easy. I'm not here for her," Azrael said calmly, as if her brother's grip didn't affect her in the slightest. She was equally strong.

Lucifer's hold on her eased a little.

"You're not?" he asked sceptically. "Then _why_ are you here?"

Azrael closed her hands around his wrists and pulled them away from her throat.

"For you, brother. I'm here for you."

"Well then, consider me confused._ I'm_ not going to _die_, am I?"

"I see sarcasm still is your first shelter."

"_What are you doing here_?" Lucifer repeated his question, ignoring her comment.

"You have something that's actually mine," Azrael answered patiently and gestured to the silver feather shining out. "And no, I don't want it back. Not now, at least. You're welcome to keep it until I have to take Chloe's soul up to Heaven. See it as a compensation for the years I didn't come to visit you after your fall."

He didn't want to think too much about what she was saying, so he opted for the easiest reply.

"Years? It's been millennia!"

"That's not the point here. All I'm saying is that you can continue to use it for your visits. I won't tell Dad. I just want it back _afterwards_."

The last word stung.

"Are you saying _Dad_ doesn't know that I have it? I'm having a hard time believing that, considering you _do_ know."

"It's _my_ feather, Lucifer. It's a part of me. I can still sense it when it's being used. Every time. Can't you when someone uses one of yours?"

Lucifer took a deep breath as he contemplated the thought. He hadn't used many of his feathers to heal people, but it was true. He had always been able to feel it. It was an awkward sensation between an itch and a burn that spread through his entire wings. Slowly, he nodded.

"Alright then. Thank you, I guess."

"You're welcome."

Both angels stood side by side and looked out at the sea. There was so much that they could have talked about, but most of it remained unspoken. Yet there was just one question Lucifer's thoughts circled around, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He was indecisive whether he wanted to know the answer.

Despite the unthinkably long time they hadn't seen each other, except for one quick visit, Azrael still knew her brother well enough to interpret his silence.

"There's still time, you know? I haven't been given a date for her departure yet, so it should be more than a year."

Lucifer was unable to react. Even one year was so little time.

"I can let you know… before. So you can go visit her."

"To say goodbye?" Lucifer snorted bitterly.

"To say goodbye, yes. — I mean, you don't have to, it's up to you whether you want that."

Although the thought of having to make his farewells to her was almost unbearable, Lucifer knew it wasn't really a choice. It was out of the question that he wanted to see her at least one more time.

"Yes, please. That would be quite forthcoming," he said in a voice that was unusually quiet for him.

Azrael nodded and spread her wings. There was nothing more to say for now.


	7. Forty-one years since Lucifer went back to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers,
> 
> this is already the last chapter of this story, and by far the longest. I hope it won't leave you too depressed, I kind of had this in my head and had to write it down. (I'd say "The devil made me do it", but he wouldn't approve :-)). I'm sure I'll write something else for Deckerstar in the future, and I promise it's going to be happier than this one.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this story and for leaving a comment. That always makes my day.

It took three years until Azrael showed up in Hell to let Lucifer know there wasn't much time left for his Detective.

"And exactly how much is _'not much'_?" Lucifer asked with a snarl.

He knew it was wrong, wasn't fair. It wasn't Azrael's decision to make, she was only doing what she had to do, what she had been doing since the beginning of time. Yet still, he couldn't stop himself from blaming her for not rebelling against their Father's orders just this once. He had been dreading her visit ever since their last encounter on the roof, and now that she was here, a part of him refused to believe it was real.

Azrael looked down at her feet or at the lava rock she was standing on, he wouldn't know.

He apprehended the answer to his question.

"A few days. Maybe," she eventually admitted.

"I see."

His voice was hard, free of emotions, because he couldn't allow himself to give in to them now. Not yet. He pushed them aside, and although they didn't go away, he managed to ignore them somehow with the force of stubborn willpower, no matter what Linda had said about facing them.

Instead, he gathered all his courage for the most difficult trip to Earth he would ever have to take. He had to go up, and fast. If there was little time left, he wanted to make the most of it. What had he been doing down in Hell, waiting for Azrael's message to arrive? He could have gone up earlier. However, he had been paralysed by his fear of seeing the Detective die.

But he wouldn't be a coward any longer. He pushed Azrael's silver feather in between his white ones and, casting one last look at his sister and his doomed kingdom that expanded around them, steadied himself and took flight.

This time, Lucifer didn't immediately track down the Detective. First, he stopped by the place he had once used to call his home. Landing swiftly on the balcony overlooking the city, he folded away his wings and swung the glass doors aside. At first glance, the penthouse looked as he had left it, except for some items that appeared to have been moved. While the bar and his piano looked untouched, someone had to have searched his bookshelf, as the books were not sorted the same way he had left them. After a brief tour of the rest of his apartment, Lucifer ended up at the bar and grabbed the most expensive whiskey from the top shelf. He didn't bother to pour it into a glass, he drank straight from the bottle. Oh, how much he had missed the smoky taste in his mouth and the burn in his throat that followed it.

After emptying both the best and the second best bottle, he felt the closest he'd ever be to calling himself prepared for visiting the Detective. He could have flown there in the blink of an eye, but he preferred to walk and take in the scenes playing out in the streets around him. And just maybe, he was also procrastinating, though he'd never admit it.

Darkness had already fallen when he arrived at an apartment building he had never seen before. With a stroke of wing he got up to the third floor. He listened carefully for any sounds from outside her apartment, but all was quiet. With his heart pounding in his ears, he unlocked the door and opened it to slip inside. All lights were turned out, and Lucifer held his breath. He was more than a little relieved when he heard a soft snoring from one of the rooms.

Following the sound, he stepped inside her bedroom. He wasn't able to shake off the feeling of intruding into her privacy, but now that he was this close to her, he couldn't bear to leave again just because she'd already fallen asleep.

He stood at the foot of her bed and took in the sight of the old woman sleeping peacefully in her bed with the blanket pulled close around her body. Yes, she looked different from back when he had lived on Earth, had aged during the years. It was a privilege he'd never have the chance to experience. But other than looking older, she was still his Detective, still the same woman, her soul as beautiful and pure as ever.

After a while, he pulled over a chair from the wall and sat down. All he did was stay by her bed and watch her chest rise and fall with the rhythm of her breathing while memories of their time together crossed his mind.

Eventually, dawn announced the end of the night with its pale light, yet he kept ignoring his own tiredness. He didn't want to miss her waking up and opening her eyes. There wouldn't be many opportunities to witness that anymore.

When she finally_ did_ wake up, she stretched before she sat up and it took her half an eternity to swing her legs out of bed and get up. Everything else she did that day, she did equally slowly. It hurt Lucifer to see her so elderly and tired. She had to sit down a lot to catch her breath in between cooking, doing laundry and the short walk she did in the park next to the house.

Late in the afternoon, when she was sitting in her armchair with her feet up on a footstool, flipping through the pages of the newspaper, and Lucifer sitting close to her on the sofa, a key turned in the door.

"Hi Mom!"

The Detective folded the newspaper in her hands.

"Hi Beatrice, darling."

Trixie put down some grocery bags in the hallway and came to hug her mother in her chair, so she wouldn't have to get up.

"How are you today?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Tired, but fine. I'm always tired these days, you know? My age is finally catching up with me."

"Hey, don't say that!"

"Come on, Trixie, you know it's true. You know how time flies."

"Yes, I do."

They exchanged a soft and caring smile before Trixie excused herself and first went into the kitchen next door to unpack the groceries and then moved through the other rooms, apparently cleaning up and helping her mother along.

"Mom, I told you, you don't need to do your laundry yourself. I'm happy to take it home with me," she scolded when she returned to the living room half an hour later.

"I know monkey, but I wanted to do something useful. It's so nice of you to help me as much as you do, but you also have to have time to live your own life."

Trixie rolled her eyes at her.

"I can do your laundry _and_ still have time to live my own life, it's called multitasking, and I'm quite good at it."

"The older you get, the more I feel as if I have myself talking back at me," the Detective replied with a soft chuckle, defeated.

"You can blame that on yourself," Trixie laughed as she took a chair and sat down next to her mother.

"Yeah, that's fine. Wait until you're my age and have the same discussions with your own children."

"I'll remember your words then. But back to today, I still have half an hour before I have to go back home to _'live my own life'_, as you like to call it. So what do you want to do?"

"How about watching some old photos?"

"Honestly, mom, you're always good for a surprise."

"I know I am."

The playful irony in both their voices couldn't be missed.

"Same album as usual?" Trixie asked while she was already pulling one out from the bookshelf.

"Yes, please."

Lucifer shifted closer to them to be able to have a look, too. It was clear from the well-thumbed pages that they did this on a regular basis, and it was like a trip down memory lane to see Trixie as a little girl and the Detective as a young woman again.

Hours later, after Trixie had gone and the Detective had gone to sleep, Lucifer took his seat at the foot of her bed. Despite his attempts to stay awake, he fell asleep at some point, only to be woken by the Detective tossing around in her sleep. He looked at her, alarmed. Apparently, she was having some kind of nightmare. He looked around in the dark room, thinking about what he could do to wake her up without frightening her.

That was when he heard her mumble his name in her sleep.

He froze.

Did he haunt her in her dreams?

No, she wasn't scared of him, was she? She hadn't been ever again, as far as he knew, after having come to terms with who he was.

Before he could sort out his thoughts, the Detective woke up. She sat up and covered her mouth with one hand, but it did nothing to cover her silent sob.

"I can't believe I really won't see you again," she whispered into the darkness.

Lucifer's heart melted as he put together the pieces of what was really troubling her. And he could no longer resist. He could only hope she wouldn't get a heart attack right away.

He stood and took three steps backwards before reaching for the silver feather in his left wing.

He pulled it out before he had time to change his mind.

A warm shiver ran through him as he materialized.

A shiver also ran through the Detective, visible even in the obscurity of the small bedroom. She narrowed her eyes, probably to be able to see him better.

"Lucifer," she whispered in disbelief.

"Yes."

His voice was soft and gentle and loving, a quality it had only ever taken on when speaking to her.

"Are you really there?"

"Yes."

"Am I dead?" she asked tentatively after a moment's hesitation.

"No, you're not. I've come to visit you."

"Can you… Can you come closer? I can hardly see you. It's so dark."

Lucifer stepped forwards until his fingertips brushed against the lower end of the bed.

The Detective reached for the lamp on her bedside table and switched it on. Soft warm light illuminated the room.

"I can't believe you're here, I… I've… I have so many questions. There's so much I have to tell you, I…"

Her voice trailed off.

"Lucifer," she added after a pause, as if repeating his name would help her deal with his sudden visit.

"Detective."

His reply came automatically, but the word sounded wrong. Dishonest. She wasn't a Detective anymore, and she was far more to him than that.

"Chloe," he added, laying all the love he felt for her into the word.

She smiled at him, obviously pleased by him calling her by her name.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"I know," he admitted.

She raised her eyebrows at that, her gaze curious as ever.

"I might have visited a few times to verify you were alright."

"Oh." She frowned. She was probably thinking back to the moments in her life that could have involved him. "You… you didn't, by any chance, grab a bullet out of thin air some — I can't remember — thirty years ago?"

"I can't say what happened thirty years ago, but thirty-six years ago I might have snatched a bullet that was aimed at you."

And there it was, her eye roll, this time for him. Lucifer smiled at the gesture he had been so familiar with. It felt so good, so normal, even after all this time.

"Come here and tell me about it," she said and patted the mattress beside her hip. "Please, if you don't mind."

"It would be an honour if you listened to me."

Lucifer took the chair he'd been sitting on earlier and slid it beside her bed, so he could sit next to her. He was surprised by how easy it felt, how natural and relaxed, as if it had just been yesterday that they'd last seen each other.

Chloe let him do most of the talking, maybe because she was too tired for talking herself, or maybe because she hadn't heard from him for too long. Perhaps it was for both reasons, or several more. Either way, Lucifer was eager to share his thoughts, as nobody had ever listened to him like she did. And although he didn't lie, he left out a few details, like how lonely he was and how empty his existence had become without her. He didn't want to go there, and there was nothing she could do about it anyway.

"I'll let you sleep now, you can barely keep your eyes open," Lucifer ended their conversation when he noticed how tired she had become.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?"

"You have my word. I'll stay with you all night."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He reached for the lamp and switched off the light.

"Lucifer," Chloe whispered faintly.

"What is it, dear?"

"Can I… Can I hold your hand?"

Instead of answering, he took her hand in his. It was fragile, yet warm. Chloe sighed contentedly as he started running little circles over the back of her hand with his thumb. He didn't stop even after she had fallen asleep.

* * *

The next day passed way too fast for Lucifer's liking. They went through all her photo albums and clicked through several photo folders on her tablet, including several pictures that had been taken at the precinct with Lucifer by her side, and Chloe basically summed up her life story for him in quick motion.

"You were there on my wedding day, weren't you? Was it you who made the picture of us fall to the floor?" Chloe asked him.

At least, her question didn't sound accusatory, Lucifer thought. He nodded, his eyes glazing over at the memory.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because you asked for a sign, of course."

"But you still cared about me. You still do."

"And I always will." He cleared his throat. "But I didn't go back to Hell to have you suffer for the rest of your life. I always wanted you to be happy, so I… set you free, I guess."

Chloe was stunned into silence by his honest reply. It was a long time before she stated, "That was very selfless of you."

"I wanted you to be happy," he repeated. He didn't know what else to say.

"Thank you," Chloe said and squeezed his hand.

To Lucifer, it didn't matter that it was a gentle squeeze with little power in her muscles. It was the gesture that touched him.

* * *

When Trixie came over in the early evening to cook dinner for her mother and eat with her, Lucifer flew to his penthouse to take a shower and change into fresh clothes. He didn't care as much about his appearance as he had used to, but he also wanted to give them privacy.

It was still too early to go back to Chloe's apartment when he was done, so he occupied himself with booze and music. Unfortunately, his piano was so out of tune that he couldn't even play a simple melody. Well, at least his stereo equipment and speakers were still working. Oh, music, what a treat for the ears…

* * *

Lucifer didn't know how to tell Chloe why he had come. He had dwelled on it all day and was none the wiser. But apparently, he wasn't the only one preoccupied with the issue.

Chloe had gone to bed and Lucifer was sitting beside her like he had the night before, caressing her hand in his, when she brought it up.

"As much as I'm happy to see you, Lucifer — and I really am — I can't help but wonder why you're here. I mean, why you're here_ now_. Are you going to take me _'from here'_?"

He swallowed past the lump in his throat before he answered, "I can't take you with me, because, unfortunately, I'm still not allowed into Heaven, and Heaven is where you'll go."

"But… soon?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I don't know _when exactly_, but within the next few days." It hurt to say it out loud. "I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, but you know I don't lie."

"Then I should probably call Trixie tomorrow morning to invite her and her family for dinner at some expensive fancy restaurant," Chloe murmured.

But Lucifer knew her well. She couldn't fool him. He could hear the perplexity in the tremble of her voice.

"Chloe, are you alright? I'm sorry if I've said too much."

"No, it's okay, I'm fine. It was me who asked."

Lucifer raised his eyebrows at her and wondered briefly if she could even see that in the darkness.

"Really, I am. Alright, maybe not _'fine'_. Maybe I'm just okay with it. I mean, I've seen it coming for a while now. The signs are hard to miss."

She managed a sad smile.

"It's alright if you're neither _fine_ nor _okay_, since_ I_ am most certainly _not_."

"I wish you could come with me."

"Me too, Chloe, so much," he sighed. "But — I'm going to stay with you for as long as I can and you want me to."

It was the least he could do. It was all he could do.

"I would love to spend my time with you. Please stay," she reassured him and rubbed the tears from her cheeks.

"Then I'll stay."

Lucifer bowed down to press a kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Chloe did what she had said she wanted to do: She called her daughter after breakfast and told her that she had made dinner reservations for the night and that she planned to invite the whole family. Trixie had been surprised, but had agreed quickly.

Lucifer spent the whole day with Chloe, alternating between conversation and companionable silence, until it was time to leave her, so she could spend the late afternoon and evening with her family. The two of them would have more time together later that night.

As he sat on the balcony of his penthouse, he wondered how he had managed to wait for years at a time for his next trips to Earth when the few hours now seemed to stretch endlessly. He smoked, he drank, he played a horribly off-tune song on the piano. Still, time didn't want to pass.

How ironic, he thought, when all he didn't want was for time to accelerate. He rather wanted to stop it, or, better yet, reverse it.

* * *

"So, what would you like to do with the evening? Or are you already tired? Do you need to sleep?"

"Actually, I'm not as tired as I expected to be after such a long day and so much delicious food," Chloe said and ran a hand over her stomach.

"Shall we watch some more photos then, and you tell me more about your life?"

Lucifer enjoyed that a lot. He took solace in the fact that she indeed had led a happy, fulfilling life, as he had wanted her to. Well, minus the years after his departure. She had told him that morning how hard it had been for her to realize he had left for good and wouldn't return.

"Actually, I was wondering if we could go somewhere outside. The beach, maybe? I'd love to see the ocean one more time."

"Oh, but of course we can! We can fly there."

"Fly?" Chloe's eyes lit up. "I had forgotten you could use your wings to fly around on Earth, too."

"Come here, I'll carry you."

Chloe got up from her comfortable armchair and walked towards Lucifer without hesitation, and he swept her up in his arms and held her close to his chest. He barely noticed her weight as he stepped outside with her, and they took off into the night together.

Lucifer knew exactly which part of the beach they both had in mind without either of them having to say it out loud. After landing safely, he let Chloe down gently, making sure she was standing steady on the sandy ground. She took his hand, and together they walked towards the water.

There, they stood and breathed in the fresh salty air while they watched the waves come and go.

"I witnessed you spending a day here with your family a few years ago," Lucifer told her.

"You did? We spent a lot of time here, actually. I've always loved coming to the beach. I mean, how could anyone not like this?"

She gestured around at the shoreline stretching out on their left and right and the endless black ocean in front of them, only illuminated by pale moonlight.

"Will I be able to see this from above?" she asked somewhat shyly.

"You won't be able to see _this_ very same beach from there, but there are other landscapes in Heaven that are even more beautiful. Only the sky is the same."

"You mean the stars?"

"Yes."

"You made them," Chloe said in awe. "It's so hard to imagine, the concept of all this, Heaven, Hell, eternity. I can't even begin to comprehend."

"You don't have to comprehend all of it to be able to enjoy the beauty of the moment."

"You're probably right," Chloe agreed.

Then she realized her choice of words. Lucifer could see it in her eyes when she gazed up into his. He laid an arm around her and pulled her close against his side, and they fell back into silence.

* * *

"Before we go home, can we stop by the penthouse? I would love to see the view of the city from up there," Chloe asked as cold crept up on them and it was time to leave.

Lucifer was astonished by her request, but he wouldn't deny her that wish. He took her in his arms once more and flew her up to his former residence. Standing on the balcony with her brought back a cascade of memories and strong emotions that he always carried around with him, but usually tried not to touch. She must have felt it, too, since she walked inside rather fast after their arrival, ignoring the view she had wanted to see. Lucifer followed her to his piano.

"Would you play something for me? I've always loved hearing you play the piano and sing," Chloe asked while she opened the lid that protected the keys.

"I'm afraid I can't, it's off-tune. But I can have it fixed, and we can come back here tomorrow, if you'd like."

"I'd love to."

There, she had used that word twice now.

Lucifer exhaled deeply as he carefully closed the lid over the black and white keys.

* * *

Chloe had fallen asleep leaning against Lucifer's side on his leather couch. Lucifer decided that it was too late to fly her home. He didn't want to wake her with the rush of cool wind during their flight. Instead, he scooped her up in his arms again, effortlessly, and carried her over to his bed. He smiled down at her lovingly after he had put her down and tugged her in. This was nothing like what he had imagined what it would be like to finally get her into his bed back in the days. But now, the 'how' didn't matter as much anymore, it was more important that she was here with him, trusting him enough to fall asleep by his side.

Given that his bed was much bigger than hers, he sat on the edge of the mattress and reached for her hand. She looked so peaceful. A tear slipped out of his eyes, followed by many more. He loved her so much.

* * *

Some hours later, in the middle of the night, Chloe woke up. It took her a moment to realize where she was, but the moment she saw Lucifer, she relaxed. She squeezed his hand in hers.

"Have you been watching over me all night?" she asked him.

"I've been trying to watch over you all the time," he answered.

"Like my guardian devil," she whispered, and he simply nodded.

"Aren't you ever tired?"

"Oh, don't worry about me. I don't need as much sleep as humans do."

"Would you still want to lie down with me? You have quite a big bed."

She saw his hesitation and invited him by shuffling to the side, effectively making room for him. Lucifer lay down on his back, keeping up a modest distance, but Chloe had a different idea of what she wanted. She moved over to him and, when he didn't stop her, rested her head on his chest and cuddled against his side.

Lucifer was caught off guard by her nearness. For a moment, he held completely still, frightened that any movement might make her change her mind, but then his arm closed around her thin frame to hold her to him. Her contented sigh reverberated throughout his body, and he felt nothing but pleasurable warmth.

"Chloe," he whispered and rose his head to plant a kiss on the back of her head.

"Lucifer," she hummed sleepily against his chest.

* * *

They woke up in the same intimate embrace they had fallen asleep in.

Lucifer felt Chloe stir before she turned her head to look into his eyes. It was a gaze so caring and full of trust and emotion that he couldn't stop himself.

"Chloe." He caressed her hair with his free hand. "I have to say it just this once. I… I love you."

Something in her eyes melted and turned them even softer, if that was possible. She turned around further to him and slowly, as if to make sure he didn't want to stop her, connected her lips to his in a gentle kiss. It reminded him of their last kiss they had shared four decades ago. It was over far too soon.

"I love you, too."

"But — you are married."

He didn't understand. She had moved on. She had fallen in love with another man and had married him. She had been happy. He had seen it with his own eyes.

"I am. It doesn't mean I don't love Timothy anymore, because I do. But I love _him_ the way I love _him_, and _you_ the way I love _you_. It's not the same what I feel for each of you, but I _do_ love you both."

The silence between them was heavier now, and all the images of what could have been if he had stayed returned to Lucifer's mind. He probably could have woken up with her in his arms every morning.

* * *

They returned to her apartment around noon, and Chloe had to have a nap in the afternoon. Lucifer used the opportunity to make a few calls and arrange for his piano to be tuned up. He wanted to keep his promise and play for her.

It worried him that Chloe said she wasn't hungry when it was time for dinner. She turned down his suggestions to cook something nice for them.

"Can we go to the penthouse again?" she asked instead.

"Yes."

"Wait," she said before they left. "I have to give you something."

She went into the bathroom, and he could hear her rummaging around.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine. Just another minute."

It took more than one, but he didn't comment on that. It didn't matter.

"So, what is it that you were looking for?" he asked.

"This," she replied and held up a familiar piece of jewellery.

Lucifer had to blink away tears of affection.

"You still have it? After all those years?"

"Nothing could ever have made me give this away. That is, until now. I want to give it back to you."

"But…"

"Lucifer," she interrupted him, clearly not tolerating any objections he might have. "Where I go, I can't take it with me. And I want you to have it."

She was right, he couldn't deny that what she said was true. _Where she went, she couldn't take anything with her._

He wanted to reach for the necklace, but Chloe shook her head and lifted her arms to put it around his neck. It felt heavier than in his memory, and he reached for the bullet now dangling over his chest.

"Thank you. I won't give it away either. I'll keep it forever."

* * *

"What's with that feather?" Chloe asked, gesturing to the silver one on Lucifer's coffee table. "It looks different from those on your wings."

Lucifer didn't really want to answer. He focused on the task of wrapping Chloe into a blanket to keep her warm and put several cushions behind her to make her more comfortable on his couch.

"Thank you," she said as she leaned back and relaxed. "So, what about the feather?"

She wouldn't let it go, he knew.

"It's not mine. It's my sister's. I just borrowed it, so I was able to stay invisible when I visited you. That's why you couldn't see me."

"Invisible… that's… hard to imagine."

Lucifer bowed down to kiss her forehead once more, closing the topic for good. He couldn't remember if he had ever told her about Azrael, but he surely didn't want to bring her up now.

"Ready for your private concert?"

"Yes," Chloe smiled at him.

"Is there anything particular on your mind that you want me to play?"

"No, I'm happy with whatever you feel like."

"Alright. Let's find out then if I remember how to play this thing," Lucifer said as he walked over to the piano and flexed his hands in preparation. He stared at the keys for a moment before he started to run his fingers over them and soft music started to fill the penthouse.

He played a few instrumental pieces first before he started singing along with the tunes. In the breaks between songs, he kept exchanging glances with Chloe, revelling in how content she looked. That was how he wanted to remember her.

"Shall I stop?" he asked some time later, when he noticed how tired she had become. Her eyes were falling shut all the time, but she tried to keep them open and stay awake.

"Just one more, please," she pleaded, "and then we can go to sleep. It sounds so beautiful when you play, and your voice is so soothing."

"As the lady desires," Lucifer smiled warmly at her, and her eyes lit up at that.

He turned back to his piano and considered what to play. His mind came up with a simple tune as soon as his fingertips touched the keys, and a melody soared around them that rose and fell like waves on the ocean, up and down, up and down. Lucifer played a couple of bars before he closed his eyes and started to sing.

_A flock of birds_

_Hovering above_

_Just a flock of birds_

_That's how you think of love_

_And I always_

_Look up to the sky_

_Pray before the dawn_

_Cause they fly always_

_Sometimes they arrive_

_Sometimes they are gone_

_They fly on_

_A flock of birds_

_Hovering above_

_Into smoke I'm turned_

_And rise following them up_

_Still I always_

_Look up to the sky_

_Pray before the dawn_

_Cause they fly away_

_One minute they arrive_

_Next you know they're gone_

_They fly on_

_Fly on_

_So fly on_

_Ride through_

_Maybe one day I'll fly next to you_

_Fly on_

_Ride through_

_Maybe one day I can fly with you_

_Fly on_

_Fly on_

_Fly on_

Lucifer only opened his eyes after the last chords had subsided. The song still resonated in his ears, but other than that, it was silent.

Too silent.

He knew it before he looked.

The feather was gone. And so was Chloe.

He would never forget her.

Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics by Coldplay. 
> 
> If you like, follow this link to listen: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap-HeMIKi-c


End file.
